Cuz I’m hilar on snapchat
I can’t sleep. There are so many things to look forward to this week but also so many things hanging over my head. So I’ll do what I do best (no not avoid it all and stay in bed with a bottle to the face and netflix on loop) - I’ll list!!!
+my 17 year old darling of a sister comes for her spring break on Wednesday and I am so freaking excited to see her it feels like Christmas morning or the night before Disneyland and I just wish she could get here right now
-I have to video tape myself teaching a lesson this week and I have no idea where to even start with procuring a camera/selecting a lesson, etc.
+my BFF since high school Haley moves to Encinitas this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This means that I now will have 2 friends that I adore within a 2 mile radius. Not to mention (again) Amanda will be here this week so that makes 3! Haley is the best because she is so easy to hang out with. Want to smuggle yourself into a crazy yacht party and freak dance with jay-z? Haley’s down. Want to order gluten free pizza with extra cheese and watch YouTube videos of puppies howling the alphabet? Haley’s down.
-work is a real thing that I need to devote more of my time to if I want to actually make money. However when I teach from 7am-2pm, go to class from 4-7pm, do homework, grade assignments and plan the next days lessons from 7-10pm it’s really hard to find time for any other brain functioning activity. But a girls gotta eat (and by eat I obviously mean shop… For bathing suits!!!)
-As great as teaching/school is I would really like to take an escapism hiatus. And I’m worried that that means I don’t love what I do, because I really think I do love it, but I just want a break from the classes and classrooms and responsibility. And yeah, I’m sort of upset that I’m STILL longing for childhood and yet I’m getting farther and farther from it. Is it totally vapid and lazy to say some days I’d like to just win the lottery and coast for a while? Yes, I know the answer is definitely yes.
(oh also, 3 months until I’m 25. And non-related but I recently realized that Sylvia Plath killed herself in February which totally makes sense because February is a god-awful month and also she had just turned 30 and her kids all had the flu and I imagine that was just miserable and so I don’t think she should have done it but at the same time I totally get why at the time she probably felt like she did.)
daydreamsandhappiness asked: once you receive this you must post 5 nice things about yourself and pass it on to ten of your favorite people :)
1) I smile at strangers a lot. Especially old lonely people.
2) My little sister really likes me!
3) I’m good at drawing eyes.
4) I almost always remember (and make a big deal) out of birthdays.
5) Recently I went to a school shooting seminar led by cops and education law enforcement professionals. When they asked who has already thought about how we would save our kids on the most horrific day of our lives I was the first to raise my hand. The day I walked into the classroom I looked for hiding places. For items to block the door. This may make me dark but it also makes me ready and caring. And I would die again and again for these kids.
Lord Huron - Ends of the Earth
at Belly Up in Solana Beach the other night. Tooooo good.
The month of February always without a doubt makes me sad, frustrated and… achy.
I remember feeling this way even as a little girl. The snow that we wanted in December and January would finally come in February, when we were ready for flowers and warmer days. It would linger in the streets for weeks, partially melting, only to freeze again. No longer white and clean, now grey and pooling. The whole world encased in a cold dirty film.
Now that I’m older, February feels like a trick. I still pay the same rent for less days of the month, and my bills catch me off guard, popping up at seemingly random times. It’s the new year, but I’ve already planned my months into the fall and it’s still too far away to start counting down to summer.
Most Februaries, I don’t feel like myself and I don’t like myself. I start second guessing every facet of my life because the parts I loved, the parts I’m proud of suddenly look muted and ugly. And somehow, this short month lasts for so long. Too much reflection, too much time indoors. I start to get antsy. WILL THIS BE MY LIFE FOREVER? Sluggish, unmotivated, I try to distract myself from the unrest I feel until the month is over. My laziness only makes me more itchy.
This all sounds very insane. But it is still February and I am trying to survive. I want to turn off my brain. February’s nagging voice, “It’s too late!” If it was January, things could still change. Things could get better. But it is already the second month of the year. The tone has been set.
I want a clean slate. I want to start over.